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[Scalyback]

Part 10 - Your documents please Sir!






Once in a while, the police have,


a blitz, or so to speak,


Was teenager when I got stopped,


four times in just one week.





"Hello Sir, there’s no “L” plate,


now have you passed the test?


Oh good, then have you considered,


a yellow high-viz vest?”





I’d only been stopped once since then,


due to a small ‘aside’


Long traffic queue, small traffic island,


went round the other side!





Don’t get me wrong, I like police,


they’re quite professional,


But blue moon shines and you meet one,


Straight out of police school!





And it was just a week ago,


was stopped by a young rookie,


I guess he took this job because,


he wasn’t getting nookie.





“Good day sir, it seems you have,


insurance, M.O.T.,


I’ve stopped you for a further check,


make sure its roadworthy.”





"It looks a very old bike sir,


I’ll just check that it’s safe,


I guess you’ve ridden it this far,


you must have lots of faith."





Now that is not the sort of thing,


to say around my bike,


Don't think that it’s inanimate,


Tornado is alive!





"Please Sir, turn the engine off ,


and put it on its stand."


I do that and then watch him,


as he pokes it with his hands.





He squeezes a control lever,


“Your brake lamp does not light!”


I say, “If you look down you’ll see,


the clutch is working right!!"





“Have you removed the disc brake sir?


there’s not one on the front!”


Already my opinions forming,


a word which rhymes with ‘hunt'





He pulls the forks, the stand swings up,


he nearly drops my bike,


Tornado won’t think much of that,


it’s given me a fright!





“The rear brake pedal does not work,


I’ll report that of course.”


“I said, “Yes, but the gearbox went through


second, third and fourth”.





“I’m sorry Sir, if that’s the gears,


then this one is the brake?


I’ve never seen them this way round,


it looks like a mistake.”





I say, “This is a Brit design,


that’s why it’s right hand drive.”


But plod gives me a funny look,


like i’ve told him a lie!





“This tax disc sir, is out of date,


it’s nineteen-fifty-five!”


I said, “you’ll find an up to date one,


on the correct side”





This moment we have waited for,


Tornado’s got it planned,


plod leans a little closer,


steadies himself with his hand.





Next thing I know he jumps up fast,


whilst screaming at my bike,


Oh dear, is tax disc holder,


rather close to exhaust pipe?





“Thank you sir, I’ve seen enough,


your bike checks out and so,


my suggestion to you is…


JUST GET ON IT AND GO!!!”





The moral of this tale is clear,


the lesson has been learnt,


Don’t try and wind Tornado up,


you'll get your fingers burnt!









Simon

[Exile]

Serves him bloody well right.


I had a policeman on a motorcycle wave me into the roadside a few months ago. I knew I'd done nothing wrong and my bullet is only recently registered, so I wasn't particularly worried. Turned out, he'd never seen a Royal Enfield machine before and merely wanted to admire it...


The "wrong way round" configuration really blew him away and the neutral finder confused him. We chatted for about ten minutes.


One of the more friendly encounters with "plod".

[Scalyback]